forever surprised.

Anne Rice, in her book, Christ the Lord, gives Jesus words, words she might imagine him saying.  At one point, when asked what he will do next, he tells his seekers, "I will go on from surprise to surprise." 

I love it. 
I claimed it. 
I had the words engraved on a bracelet. 

Surprises.  He greets us with them daily.  I wear the words to remember that I must open my hands to receive them - the good, and oh it's so hard, but also the bad.

Yesterday was a struggle.  Somehow, I put the struggle on the shelf and decided to live like it wasn't there.  Oh, if it were always that easy.  I spent the morning at my daughter's preschool brushing up against the amazing love of children, and decided I was going to soak up the creative.  Forever 21 looked like a fun store to check out.  I forever felt way too old to be shopping there, but I dove into the fun with my girls.  We laughed.  They picked out necklaces and helped me pick out a cute shirt.

The struggle didn't join us.  Surprise.  The pain slipped away.  Surprise.  My living in the moment of who I was made to be and not in the storms that threaten my sea - it was possible.  Surprise. 

And then, he reminded me he was there and he had been the one who let the joy in, who brought the strength to find the joy.

Surprise.  On the bottom of my Forever 21 bright yellow bag - there it was, in simple bold letters: "John 3:16".  Surprise.

Don't you love when he surprises you?

Reaching for his hem,
Ann

This very moment.

During our recent visit to Mexico, I stumbled across this mask. That portion of the mask that appears to occupy the area of thought contains what is, in fact, the Mayan calendar. It led me to think about how we so easily get stuck on thoughts of the calendar, the next thing, the next moment, time, plans, rushing, hurrying. It's nothing new. My desire. You've heard it before. Simply said, I want to focus on the moment. I want to be present. I do. I want to breathe in each grace filled gift. Or do I?


Well, maybe. Maybe not.


What about the moments that I just want to fast forward, the ones that are painful and hard and mean spirited and beat me down. What of those? Do I really want to remember those and embrace those and be in those fully? How does one live in even the moments she wants to run from as fast as she possibly can, the moments she wants to erase from that calendar in her mind, the ones she wishes were not a part of her life?


What of those moments?


His grace is present there also. Oh for eyes to see.


Reaching for the hem,
Ann