before my King.

Job did it.   And, he was found blameless.

David did it.  And, he was a king after all.

So I did it today.  I ushered myself before my King and shared that I am not pleased. 

And, I asked him to blot that lousy state out of my heart.  I told him that I am craving him. 

I want to hear his heartbeat.  I want to feel his hand.  I do not understand him.  I wish I understood why I would give him my life and he would allow these difficult moments to enter in.  I do not see his plan or how his hand could be in it.  I cried at him.

And, I knew it was okay.  I knew he holds my tears and my hand. 

It was okay because he already knew everything I was feeling and he welcomed it.  He welcomed all of it - the lousy and the ungrateful along with the belief and the grateful.  That is just the kind of God he is.  He wants me as he made me, not a me who wears a mask or pretends I have it all figured out.  

Job received joy.  David received purpose.  I know he's got a plan for me also.  And you, too.

We'll find it.  We'll see it.  He promised.

Reaching for his hem,
Ann